Extended Play.

FTW. isnt it wrong?

2009-05-25T04:14:00.002+08:00

scars on her thighs.

who got you into this mess?

2009-04-24T05:55:00.002+08:00

i still feel im to blame sometimes. get well soon.

boring movie.

2009-04-13T00:42:00.002+08:00

scene: man got shot in both legs. woman walk in to see and screams hysterically for 5 seconds.

Feels weird without.

2009-04-10T06:48:00.001+08:00

As you sow, so shall you reap.

2009-04-09T03:07:00.003+08:00

As i reached the last chapter of the new book. i got myself to put down the book. saving the best for the last?
i start to think. Its a habit. even how i do things in life. when things are about to end(climax?), be it a happy ending or the other way round.
halt, avoid.

J put it in another way, his theory of vegetation. the farmer's way. you sow the seeds, it grows, it flourishes, bloomed and you give it all away.

Denial, maybe. it is.

2009-04-03T02:14:00.001+08:00

counting stars.

2009-03-15T06:08:00.001+08:00

TLW S6E3

2009-02-08T07:14:00.002+08:00

Annoying: Bette's laughter
Weird: Shenny
Funny: Phyllis getting on bette
shakes head: Jodi
Sweet: Alice

like someone i know in real life.

2009-02-06T14:35:00.001+08:00

beer, anyone?

2009-02-04T04:01:00.002+08:00

back in the afternoon, the sister came home and grab a can of drink without noticing and pull back the tab. only to realise after the foam started foaming on top of the opening, that its a can of beer. the silver colour of the asahi is the same as the cooling drink shes obsessed with these days. she came over to me giving me the look without saying anything. i just laughed as hard as i can. i could only ask her to finish it up. and next time i look to her, wondering why there aint any other sound other den the tv, she was slouching on the sofa. she caught my glance straight away and being all enthu, asked if i want any of the half eaten candy strip in the hand. those that i bribed her with into doing the housework. (its from candy empire know.) -.-
i just shook my head.

2009-02-03T16:50:00.001+08:00

am still recovering the weekend.

In loving memory.

2009-01-31T03:11:00.002+08:00

Just as Ilene Chaiken decided to kill off Jenny Schecter right at the beginning of season 6. i refuse to believe she was(completely, seriously) dead until i watched the second episode. i come to realised, that i could have been really in love with that character. even how out of mind, how weird she can get sometimes. imaginative, twisted and even psychotic, sometimes. leaves me intrigued, so intrigued. i only realised at the rear end...

..
i still cant get over it. yet.
and best friends in love with each other? mm..

im getting lazy to update this space, when i do its either something i really need to say or just sheer urge to write something about what i just saw on the net minutes ago. just as i thought the new year was slowly bringing better luck, i went through what might be a little extreme highs and lows today. well, i believe when theres a high, theres always a low too. work was shit as hell. but theres always people around to make it better at the end of the day!

2009-01-15T15:55:00.000+08:00

pictures of happy families is making me sick.

i am i.

2009-01-14T01:14:00.004+08:00

im too lazy to sum up 2008. but i definitely hope 2009 would be a better year. im big on zodiac signs horoscopes. i read up on my own sign way before the year began. thats how kiasu i am.

in 2008, i found a new job. a new start. scored badly in school. i half gave up on school. had some major conflicts with the dad. mellowed a little(i hoped). had a few new inks. was alcoholic(probably still am) and faced some real bad financial problems. lost three dear ones in less den half a year. admitted to, being in denial.

been working my ass off. weeks after weeks without any day off. and finally i took the whole weekend off last week. just for the First Singapore Tattoo Show. a real well-deserved break! a long weekend off, it started off with seeing the primary school teacher grinding some bung at play. and den bumping into the secondary school teacher at the convention. i must say the 3 days pass was super worth it. and the pretty tiring 3 days spent the singapore expo was sure rewarding. cant wait for the next one. in my head now, so many ideas, so many things i want to add to the body. lol. a great idea sourcing event. lastly, thank god we were kaisu enough to buy all the merchandise on the first day. by noon on the second day, most stuff was selling out fast and many of the prices doubled. even better, my favourite hong kong based artist came down for the convention too. too bad i couldnt afford his rates.

prize of the weekend for me, have to be taking a picture with paul booth. he has a really cute husky voice and i was kinda scared of him! i was actually shaking while posing for the picture with him. omg, he's a legend man..

thats a good way to kick start the new year. with my favorite time of the year approaching. i feeling all the CNY heat around. but too bad, the family cant celebrate this year. oh well, there's always a next year(:

may 2009 be a good one for all of us!
and oh, i think i must be getting old, bcos they refuse to check my id(even when i offered to show them) more often when im buying cigarettes these days. also my big toe and spine can tell the weather these days. even better den the weather forecast i tell you. HA.

L word on facebook.

2009-01-09T13:35:00.003+08:00

season 5 ep 11, Lunar cycle. (you might need to refresh your memory.)

2008-12-31T14:19:00.000+08:00

for the third time in a year.

where's human?

2008-12-24T13:13:00.000+08:00

man son.

2008-12-23T03:08:00.002+08:00

Face.

2008-12-21T16:28:00.000+08:00

hauntings.

2008-12-20T04:57:00.001+08:00

im starting to think this face has a life of its own.

2008-12-17T04:45:00.000+08:00

i waited another night.

2008-12-17T04:11:00.004+08:00

i cant wait to wrap up december. its not even near the end of it. and mine was already filled with too many hung overs and some bit of physical and emotional trauma. jerking awake for a few nights. giving in to old bad habits....

Tell you something
that I've found,
That the world's a better place when it's upside down.

all i can say.

2008-12-16T23:13:00.001+08:00

botox, botox, botox?

2008-12-05T01:40:00.002+08:00

i'll do anything to catch this woman live. somehow i just think she looks like a blonder and saner version of winehouse. maybe winehouse should change her name and maybe beg for mercy?? :\

2008-11-22T04:22:00.002+08:00

ive been putting you on hold. i know i havent been good. and you, youve been trying to get to me.

i dont get wad they see, judging by the cover. do they see a sad little girl just standing in the corner. do they see some potential? are they on special mission or are they just plain drunk.

the last encounter, im pretty sure the situation's sober. i get people coming up to me randomly talking about life, talking about religion. in such non -forceful way. put you to think deeper than the words they speak. so freely, somewhat loving and meaningful.

Who will.

2008-11-21T01:40:00.001+08:00

ill be keeping away. sorry, i need to. i miss you being there when im breaking.

not a morning person.

2008-11-17T01:10:00.004+08:00

talk about patience.
and if you think i have patience..

i really have to take my hat off to you. you making the effort to always get to me and despite me not replying your msges three quarter of the time. and still calling me love after all these while.

well, i still consider myself healthy. i run(not really) to the NEL from NSL almost everyday. and i can do that in less den 2 minutes.

its all the same. just a little diff.

2008-11-14T03:23:00.000+08:00

Decisions to decisions are made and not fought
But I thought,
this wouldn't hurt a lot.
I guess not.

2008-11-13T00:28:00.004+08:00

10 years ago, i was in the back seat of the car. it was raining. dad was driving fast. i was listening to the conversation between dad and grandma. i never said a word the whole time. (i was half expecting another false alarm) only to arrive at the hospital to hear from the relative who arrived a little earlier coming your direction and kept saying, "no more, no more."

tonight i was in the back seat as well. it was raining, but not as that heavy. dad was driving fast too. just no conversation. and the same words i hear, "no more, no more".
maybe a little less dramatic this time.

tonight we lost another. another on the list.

KIDS

2008-11-12T02:15:00.002+08:00

cant sleep

Control yourself
Take only what you need from it.

that one.

2008-11-10T22:58:00.002+08:00

i dont know why, but i really like rainy weather. but not when i have to wake my ass up for work and the increased irritation to my sensitive skin. coming home, i stood under my block for a good 10 minutes to watch and listen to the rain.
just a few minutes ago i heard a familiar tune coming from outside the living room's window. thinking what a hip neighbour i have, maybe be i should get to know him/her cos maybe we share the same taste. den i realise its actually coming from my phone which is in my bedroom.

-.-

Criminal Thoughts.

2008-11-10T01:14:00.003+08:00

i got a pack of freebies from my workplace. it comes in packages of 2 lighters, 3 poker cards with 6 peel cards. as sponsored by a well known beer brand G****ness for the month of october in collaboration with halloween. happy enough to give away the stuffs like santa every december, i din bothered about the peel cards. until one fine thursday night, when i had all the time in the world to check all my cyber stuff and look at my nails. i was bored enough to notice the peel cards which have been lying on my table for weeks. i scooped up the bunch and brought it along to my favourite part of the living room where i can comfortably doze off from watching the teevee. i started to peel all the cards happily. thinking, oh i could exchange the freebie from a sister outlet, if i actually do peeled off something from those cards. expecting to find most of the 6 with nicely designed, thank-you-for-your-support wordings. the first came a poker card pack, damn i could do with another umbrella to add to the collection of two i already have at home(one of which my captain nicely gave to me along with the pack of cards and lighters and another i successfully gain from using a rainy night as an excuse). the second comes another poker card. and third the umbrella(just wad i need). im thinking how the fuck in the world, any luckier can i get. den the fifth and the last was 2 lighters.
-.-
the only thing i can conclude from all this is that everything is pre-planned. all lucky draws might be alike. clever business men, fooled consumers. should i call this a gimmick or conspiracy(you know how much i like this word, just by the sounding of it). i got why the supplier had it all prepacked in that manner.
after stoning for a good 3 minutes or 4. trying hard to remember how i wanted to continue this post.... -must be the few stouts i managed to catch after work this evening.

only to find a huge box of poker cards and lighters and many many more umbrellas at work the following day. -sings, ella ella eh eh, and try to do a lil rihanna with my favourite smoking khaki and the guy whos always giving me food at work.

which i generously help myself to many many more every day after. and acting like santa giving them out like cheap alcohol.
more umbrellas for me!

apart form losing my jagameister pen):
,the stupid bermese getting drunk this week.
and having to wake up early this sunday which is my usual off day
as the favourite auntie got into critical condition, one week after hospitalistion.
another abnormal gathering where you see almost full attendance of the extended family.
and thinking of stealing the mini cleaning truck for joyride around vivocity, with choice of many different colours to choose from the surrounding buildings. and being bugged by the fact that i went out with my former bf when i was dating someone. lastly, still deep in the closet(i could be in narnia) at work. straight for pay in another word, in such a homophobic envirnoment, i wonder how long will it last.

things have been going well.
like meeting up with the hamster lover and all the other girls even though being a lil intoxicated. despite the mad shedule of mine. even being left with less den 1 tenth of my pay in less den one week of getting it. having quality time with the family and enough couch potato-ing. i started to think of reasons for things that happened, things that i wish i could just forget.
and, the eyecandy flirted with me ytd. HAHAHA. so wrong..

mundane.

2008-11-07T02:36:00.003+08:00

2am, 2 sleepless and hungry souls, 2 different homes, on the phone, cooking noodles, bitching on life.

and oh no, no more erica. callica no more.

argh.

2008-10-30T00:23:00.001+08:00

shes invading my space.

Part of the programme.

2008-10-29T00:54:00.004+08:00

Conspiracy Theory.

it all started with dan brown. den bourne identity. definitely not the never ending prison break and mas selamat. now im hooked on great spy experiment. HAHAHA. kidding.

ive gone through everything thats on The Stanford Prison Experiment on this site.
and many other sources as well.

oh, and look what i found now.
CIA Secret Experiment.
on mind controlling.

and Callie proceed to get in erica's pant. haha

uh shit.

2008-10-21T01:07:00.002+08:00

Callie: I'm going on a date with Erica Hahn. And ah, that's awkward because she's a colleague. And because she's an Attending. And because she's a "she." And ah, there's been kissing, but no touching. And what if I'm not into it? What if I'm horrible at all that stuff south of the border. 'Cause I never been south of the border. With a female. I never even been over the northern mountains, if you know what I'm saying.
-
Bailey: I don't talk about sex.
Callie: Please. Let's just pretend I never said even a single word.
Bailey: I don't talk about sex with anyone, ever. Not any kind of sex.
Callie: Bailey, I am begging you!
Bailey: Zip!
-
Bailey: The va-jay-jay is undiscovered country. It is the motherland. You've never traveled there. You don't know its customs and ways. Now me? I've always wanted to go to Africa. But if I go, I'm going to have to learn a few things first. I'm going to have to prepare. I'll need shots... bring my own syringes, in case something goes wrong. And I'll want to know how to get to the embassy...
Callie: OK, now you've lost me.

arg, GA's loving.

and the drums.

2008-10-19T18:42:00.004+08:00

i dont really know why. but i like this picture alot.
this is what happen when she try to keep both of them and the cake in the picture.
and sure as hell, she must be fly high when capturing the picture. ha

and when i use it as my phone's wallpaper, it looks like this.

hello, pride.

muse.

2008-10-09T00:57:00.002+08:00

the neighbours have been arguing for at least 40 minutes now.
what've been keeping me amuse for weeks is the blue leopard from this video and how its all taken in just one shot. amazing ya. no edit.

and guess who sent some loving from many miles away?
my stupid bung!

Let it sets in.

2008-10-08T03:11:00.004+08:00

i hate being sick. bcos theres high tendency for me to go back pda-ing. for the period after as well. its setting in. imma gonna get some sleep now.

win some.

2008-10-07T02:03:00.002+08:00

i love lesbians on tv serials.
spashley, spencer and ashley from South of Nowhere.
malex, marissa and alex from the OC.
palex, paige and alex from Degrassi.
and callica, Callie and Erica from Grey's Anatomy.
i could watch their moments over and over.
but they somehow just never have good endings.

well i especially like callie and erica. who doesnt love grey's?

Callie: Anyone ever think you two are a couple?
Meredith: No, becase we screw boys like whores on tequila
Christina: And then we either try to marry them or drown ourselves

Callie: You wanna know if Erica and I are a couple because I defended her to Yang?
Addison: No, because you seem like a really happy couple.
Callie: Me, gay? What?! Nooooo, I'm a huge fan of penis!!

and we have lesbians nice and free enough to put all parts and pieces of their story together. here's it.
one
two

Attacked!

2008-10-04T03:52:00.001+08:00

oh, so happy my flying v giver sent some loving.

thanks alot people. you know my very eventful afternoon. you know who you are(:

Beat! fot the lesbians.

2008-10-03T03:56:00.003+08:00

YOU GOT OWNED! and im not bleeding love.
today's my fucking day.

omg, pls dont ask me wtf i was doing on the platform the whole time in my lightings tee. must be the red bull, and i still cant get to sleep yet. i got morning shift tmr somemore!

i dunno why but i seem to got a few numbers tonight and pls dont blame me if i dont call back. ya know the effects of alcohol yeah.

and i shaved again. seriously, wtf!

Steal my sunshine.

2008-10-02T15:48:00.002+08:00

i had the best sleep and the best dream.
how a commitmentphobic will accept your offer. and i think your waist aint that small in real life. omg. i din want to wake up at all.
i spend hours scratching my pet on pet society. almost lifeless now. and im running late!

Brilliant brilliant! the dark knight.

2008-09-25T01:32:00.004+08:00

Why so serious?

Trailer:

kids. (Joker hijacks)

Lego.

now, remind yourself of the original one.

oh man, sneezing fits.
ashyou.

aww, Britney..

2008-09-24T00:30:00.002+08:00

dont you love chris croaker??
HAHAHA.

i thought this was a lil psycho, he likes hiding under the blanket ya.

and he taking on danity kane's damaged.
Damaged, oh boy..

Oh no.

2008-09-21T19:53:00.003+08:00

ive always been skeptical about fortune teller. and i dont believe in benefits from getting my fortune read.
last night, this random guy came up to me and started reading my palm. so im like okay. what do i have to lose, lets see what stuff he got man.

as skeptical as i am, i mentioned about what i heard before, that ill never be very rich, and i have too much love to give(if yo know wad i mean).
First thing he said, was health. i have to watch my health.
typical ya, i thought.

then he went on to talk/guess about my personality. he had me wearing a smirk. you have a big heart, i can see it . and some other stuff. see, i always think that im nothing like how my face look. especially wtih the face i carry after i had a few drink..
okay, thats quite true.

a person with a big heart, yet find it very hard to forgive. he said, i have to learn to forgive, let go and move on. okay, but still not very convinced you know. like typical advices a adult would give ya.

you two dreams, and you dont know which one to choose. dont worry about not being rich. i see the passion. i see alot of love and care from your heart.
he said in an almost trance like state.

and you have some scars that made you who you are now. youre too nice, but you have to be tough too. there are people who will try to make use of you.

and study. keep studying. it will help you. just keep studying. nb, is skipping school written all over my face.

youre holding back alot, dont let deterrence hold you back.
and i was shaken already, maybe its the alcohol. i was sobering up already. and he said a whole bunch of other stuff as well. best part was, he disappeared after i was gone for like 10 seconds. wth la.

realized.

2008-09-19T02:05:00.003+08:00

i finally have the answer to your question, greatest soft spot. it used to be smileys. but not anymore, i guess not. i realized a softer, spot.

i could stay in that moment. wish itll never stop.

clenched fists, laughing.

2008-09-18T01:32:00.001+08:00

its hard enough having sex for the first time with anyone. and when you do it with a girl, youre just asking for it.

Its true, i am nothing without you.

2008-09-12T03:22:00.004+08:00

i remembered the very last time i posted this up. the times, the stuffs we went through, i put you through. im seriously such a jerk sometimes. i was. and yeah, its friday. ccm's day. haha.

through it all, i made my mistakes,
i stumble and fall.
i want you to know,
i'll hold on to this moment you know'

$2 lapdance.

2008-09-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

this is sam and vane. whom i spent many birthdays, christmas, camps, getting into troubles, skipping school and did so much other stuff, with.

remember how we had to do up peer evaluation forms after running every event.
this, only bitchier. with two hours to spare with coffee, after walking the whole stretch of orange grove road.

it started with me asking who's the vainest among us. they both agreed that it will have to be me. (how can it be me?)

here goes,

MOST/BIGGEST-
Vain: Bedah
Laziest: Vane
Emotional: Sam
Sensitive: All(equally sensitive?)
Materialistic: Bedah
Highest Maintence: Vane
Stubborn: Vane
2nd Stubborn: Sam
Fussy: Bedah
Druggie: Bedah (Sam do not abuse anything, not that we know of)
Hidden Potential: Bedah( you kidding me?)
Sensible: (-silence) None
Weird: Bedah (thank you)
In Denial: Bedah
Self Obsessed: Sam
Scandalous: Bedah
OCD: Vane
Gossipy: Sam (but we do admit theres certain issues we each do gossip about)
No life: Sam
Procrastinator: Vane
Highest Tolerance level: Vane
Soft Hearted: Sam
Rugged: Bedah
Artistic: Bedah screams Vane, Vane screams Bedah, both at the same time.
Know how to enjoy life: Bedah
Dream the most: Vane
Shortest attention Span: Bedah

Likely...
to start a Business: Bedah( really?)
to be the first to get Married: Sam
to be the Richest: Sam
to be Famous: Sam
to be infamous: Bedah
to get a sex change: Bedah( vane adds, just to be different)

Annoyance:
Sam - indecisive men
Vane - sound of chips crunching/ M&M(s)
Bedah - drunk chicks

Possible future occupation:
Sam - Scientist(mad)
Vane - Photo Journalist
Bedah - Pimp (-.-)

what will make a nice ending:

Sam : If you could change your race what would it be?
Vane: I WANNA BE WHITE
Bedah : I'm happy being chinese
Sam : yeah come to think of it, I like being Indian
Vane : WEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! YALL PLAY CHEAT!!
Sam & Bedah : HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

im gonna get some sleep, thats all im putting up.

you didnt get the memo?

2008-09-08T22:08:00.004+08:00

the lesbian and the bitch?

i finally found some time to sit down for cycle 11. this cycle is so LGBT pride. ill never stop loving you tyra.

first we identify the bitch(s), pick own personal eye candy, work your gaydar, the girl you so would do, and the ever so funny tyra and J(s). the usual gay looking ones, the almost plus size, the ones that dont eat at all, the bisexual vegan, cage fighter, and yeah, this cycle we have a transgender(Pride with the capital p). if you havent heard, yes im really not lying. i personally have a liking for the agyness deyn looking majorie, shes so cute when shes nervous. haha. and analeigh tipton reminds me of the movie ice princess, wth i know, but the figure skating thing you know. hannah makes a impression. overall i think im pretty much a pedophile. HAHAHA

on mention of how i look like a tourist, here, in singapore.

2008-09-08T03:02:00.003+08:00

on my almost daily routine to esplanade.

two indian men waved at me. which i almost failed to notice cos i was plugged in.
a lil reluctant, i ask, how can i help. with the really indian accent of theirs,

indian guy 1: can i ask wheres the marylan?
me: maryland?
indian guy 2: ya ya, the marylan?
me:(thinking, mary land? where sia?)
indian guy 2: the fish? (while doing some spitting/vomitting action)
me: oh, the merlion..
me: ya, here that way.

You know my hero, the one that’s on.

2008-09-05T03:31:00.001+08:00

what?
she just called her a fuck face.
and im laughing inside already.
dinner with my hero on saturday.

2008-09-04T16:42:00.000+08:00

not a love song.

i could just do you.

2008-09-04T00:26:00.006+08:00

my two yellow fellow weirdos had me an advance singy style feast, with satays, and the fireworks as backdrop for minutes and minutes. the night, Mrs Poh(HAHAHA) treated me dinner and later tore up the happy meal box which i thought could house the empire candies and my mini darth vader. violent(so kidding).
and for the first time, i donated some sum of money to singapore pools. ang pow and ang pows ^^ well, i wish for hanky and hankies thou. more dinner dates coming up, which i think will turn me into a bigger tub of lard. and now im ready to sum my last year. its not gonna be a short one(:

a few months ago, i made a list over a random caffeine session. which is not exactly random bcos i actually did put some thought into what i was going to put on that list. well, hardly anyone knew about it. not im not planning on killing myself. its a list of goals i made for myself, both long and short term ones. some of which are scratched, a few which are achieved and on going still.
some which are really dumb, like, want to become a heavy caffeine addict. which i tried, and did. and it was the partial cause that really messed up my stomach. i was told to stayed away from alcohol and to watch what i eat. Health. another, that was on the list. to watch my health(ya, i know-.-). so its kinda kill two birds with one stone ya? you bet, quit smoking was on it as well, but thats under the, long long term.

the first on my list was actually to be financially stable. but ever since i lost my job i was being too much of an ass, refusing to move out of my comfort zone, a lil too stuck up enough to want anything to do with the service line. yet not keen enough for another sit down office job. basically reluctant to earn and feed myself. still too much pride to lower myself and ask my dad for allowance. but it all have to start somewhere. i start asking for allowance. which still wasnt enough to upkeep the damn lifestyle of mine.
i was officially bumming off my friends, during that period of time. thank god for the friends i have. seriously, who else in the world would give a damn if you have nothing to feed yourself with(other than the two who made you, those youre blood related to), no cigs to hold between your damn fingers, no alcohol to drown your friday nights. im never the kind of person to burst into thank-you-i-love-you speeches on the blog mentioning all the particular names, not missing out any. not the a-z list or the take your guess on who im talking about here kinda thing. i learnt that money talks strain relationships, unconditional giving, taking. the people who cares. really thankful for this bunch of people i met. time tells. i know just the ones i will keep. and i could do with less judgment of my friends. you can judge me first if you like to.

finally after months of sitting around doing nothing and waiting for opportunities to look for me. i found myself somewhere in the service line. in the start, i just knew i needed to feed myself, just for the sake of money. slowly i got in touch with more and more people, people from different walks of life. interactions and perspirations. people with different views and goals in life. their perspective. got me thinking. i thought about what i might want to do about my future. i want to gain more experience in other lines. currently im doing real badly in school, my batch's graduation is due next month. for me, i guess it wont anytime soon. and come next month, ill have to face the music, i better have some real good explanation when my dad do ask me about it.

the past year also seems to witness quite a number of passings(funerals became a reason for people to gather). some of which really affected me. the major one, my grandp. i still miss..
theres pretty much changes going on in my life, which i need to get used to. for the better of cos. and so much i want to set right again. so much more i wish to be giving. my family and all. i want to be a better sister. i want to live and share my experience, not tell her what to do cos i never got the chance to. to learn my my mistakes and be a guide.
lastly, thanks for all the wishes ive been getting(:
now thats some loving!

narcissism ya. well, its not that long after all, right.

when you get what you want, but not what you need.
fix you. fixing.

ellen's fever. fuck you very much, for the wishes.

2008-09-03T00:28:00.003+08:00

and for turning, nineteen.

HEART ON MY SLEEVE.

Like flies in my ear.

2008-09-02T02:01:00.006+08:00

toe curling, hair pulling sensation. i'll be heartless, to just reply no.

road blocks on a monday night, in conjunction with teachers' day. do teachers drink and drive? J made great effort to get me a ticket for his gala premier, which is kinda a huge thing. but i cant imagine dressing up and go sitting by myself with strangers and the media. thatll make me nervous. and i turned him down. THANKS anyway! real nice of you(:

for the geek, for the last time. and a little two faced.

oh, i miss you already. if only we could do more den just once a week.

"im gonna go slit my wrist now." hi, i think my daughter needs help.

2008-08-26T02:31:00.003+08:00

SLN, i cant help but treat you badly most of the time, and throw almost everything at you. in the other word, bully. but im not the only one(: HAHA. (i love you all..)

okay, i was having a local short films marathon last night. and there was this particular that attracted me. with a title, toilet break. i thought it was something to do with mas selamat. so i clicked on it. no, its about friendships, involving students. how about friendships going further? but it was the hint of gay context that kept me watching. and the two guys part is just plain gay, and sad?
of cos, i focused more on the two girls. their story goes as, the shy one likes the other girl. got rejected. she started writing(vandalising) on the toilet wall. and den she got a reply and more replies from this mysterious someone. finally she found who the person was. and the end is just. ha, typical mediacorp kinda ending.

everyone could do with some loving, yeah.
part 1
part 2

oh, i always had fetish for netball girls. like ill never fail to repeat myself, that i used to skip my cca just to watch the school's netball team train. HAHAHAHA.

2008-08-24T12:50:00.001+08:00

when everyone was doing their own stuff in the living room and kitchen. i said quite loudly, i like girls.
they just went on doing their stuff.

My encounter with the taxi uncle who have 3 more months to live.

2008-08-23T01:45:00.002+08:00

myabe later, i need sleep now.

how to fight this?

2008-08-20T02:37:00.005+08:00

can fight not?
i somehow rmb following my sis to their autograph session when i was 7 or 8. omg pls. and i rmb that she actually lied to my parents that shes bringing me to library -.-

or would you like a better version, l word style yeah?
If you keep on taking, my heart you'll be breaking so why do you do this to me?

Pocket full of sunshine and strangers' suicide notes.

2008-08-18T21:02:00.003+08:00

but im not exactly affected. i thought that agreeing with animal collective might be social suicide. and i guess its true, all along, i could do with just this.

the days.

2008-08-13T03:39:00.000+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=30683858711

J's trailer is up. have a look yea.

espresso.

2008-08-11T16:20:00.002+08:00

tangerine says:
okay okay
tangerine says:
graces graces
tangerine says:
braces braces
tangerine says:
binders and boxers
tangerine says:
HAHHAHAHAHHA
weirdo says:
WTF

sorry, im high on caffine. its like alcohol on empty stomach. gaga.
mel said, coffee-ing is so taitai. and ive been busy on the phone since 1, when i woke.

recovering.

2008-08-11T01:16:00.003+08:00

let me recover from the weekend. wad a blast it was.
and the pictures all over facebook and blogs. omg, i just want to kill myself.
and finally, welcome to the club Hannah. Happy 18!

2008-08-09T15:46:00.001+08:00

mode:panic
you might call it bullshit.
headlights blinded me for a moment. how was i to get out.

Grim Reaper.

2008-08-06T01:42:00.004+08:00

lets spread some loving, other than having to bang each other's head.(inside joke)
i like to introduce you my top favourite series, Dead like me.

Killed by a toilet seat that fell from space at 18. Instead of stepping into the light, George was recruited to be a modern day grim reaper. Life after life aint no free ride, reapers have to earn the own takings.

and toilet-seat-girl, george, the grim reaper, looks like this. played by ellen muth.

go, tvlinks, 56, or tudou it now la.
how to resist(the lips, hahaha). she could be my epitome of straightness..
dont even have to try and pout.. lol

Why should anyone?

2008-08-06T01:10:00.003+08:00

finally i miss BEAT!
come friday pls!
and making it even better, the cdj of many lesbians' dream is now single ^^
(waa, busted sia)

What a way to start the week.

2008-08-05T02:14:00.004+08:00

But i didnt order for this.

yet another drink came right in my face. but i appreciate it, thanks. my tolerance level is declining, which i hope is a good thing. i read that it means youre healthy from somewhere, i hope. i love being drunk. i always did. maybe not anymore. but it gives a sense of escapism. forget about today, figure tmr. and it always make me say unusual things and do weird stuffs. some which i deeply regreted. like, erm...

special K.
situations which gets crazy and out of hand sometimes. ive been half sober the last few months. or maybe, years. its improving now.

lets all blame it on the alcohol.

sian.

2008-08-04T14:32:00.002+08:00

sometimes i really hate the way im brought up. i wish my dad exercised more discipline on his children, especially me, being the black sheep in the family. from time to time, he thinks i deal with drugs -.- wtf.
at the same time, i might regret what i said if it comes true. omg, am i just seeking attention. i dont think so, cos i like to be left alone most of the time. just last wednesday, dad blew up while i was still asleep. after seeing a pack of cigs i left on my table. and when i came to my senses he already left the house. and i was quite scared to go home that night. for some reason, i cant reason with myself.
although we hardly talked about my habits, i thought he always knew. i couldnt comprehend just wad exactly happened. just take it like a man..
so i went home to expect the worst. and the moment he decided to talk about it. or maybe hes much calmer already. he made a fuss bcos the cigs im smoking are expensive.
so much for the panic.

isnt it downright -.-

2008-07-30T22:05:00.001+08:00

i wont fuck us over.

2008-07-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

we saw all of sam's friend in the zoo today:D

Its not everyday.

2008-07-28T22:56:00.002+08:00

its not everyday you see mel playing mum right.
lol

i miss the kids.

Cheap thrill.

2008-07-27T02:54:00.001+08:00

i shld have known, it died on me 13 freaking times.
and i got a 5.70 concoction to a straight 4 hours high.

P. Sawyer

2008-07-25T04:13:00.001+08:00

how to address this.

Russian Roulette

2008-07-22T18:25:00.003+08:00

i wonder how you will feel seeing your former on the cover of for him magazine.

and this is what i saw in class today..

2008-07-22T02:08:00.002+08:00

yes, i actually went to school. ha

therapy, soon.

2008-07-22T01:45:00.000+08:00

Think about now, forget about tmr.

Annoyed.

2008-07-09T01:24:00.006+08:00

And i was trying to upload a picture of me along with my resume for some job. yes, im kinda sick of bumming around. the first thing i actually realised was the maximum size of photo the portal accepts. 30kb.
well okay. lets do some cropping.

first attempt.

(failed to upload)
oh, check picture size again. 30.8kb. okay crop again.
Second attempt..

FAILED -.- NB.
den i read the details, finally.
(Please keep photo dimensions under 100X150) -.-
den i just randomly crop the fucking picture again.

failed, again.

wtf. so i have to resort to carefully editing the fucking picture. and with the help of the dimension reader which is just located at the bottom .

this is it. like wtf. see wad sia?

and you know where i cropped that from?

sorry la, i can hardly find a sane picture of myself. but i really like this picture. i think it might be the only picture i actually took with Felix, the cat. i shld really show you the other few pictures i picked out. but i decide not too. maybe next time. HA

2008-07-08T23:54:00.001+08:00

Supposing to cross the road, distraction got us talking for minutes by the road. wth.

Sis is gonna be in the same school as me. how exciting?
maybe its god's answer to get me fuctioning in school.

When somthing really scares me. i guess it means shitl oads to me.

2008-07-08T02:59:00.004+08:00

i came home to dad flipping my mag. which i forgetfully left lying around in the living room. oh..

im mad, i thought about getting my scalp tattooed when i woke up today.

does it include bleeding?

2008-07-07T04:52:00.001+08:00

5am and 2 sleepless souls.

take apart, put together, and change one part of it.

2008-07-06T17:43:00.002+08:00

what have you lost? If only you did it better.

2008-07-05T05:06:00.001+08:00

i do not sell drugs.

2008-07-02T23:59:00.001+08:00

lets get some high. who needs an explosion.

more than just a voice you need to hear.

2008-07-02T02:30:00.003+08:00

it didnt seems right, the way you sounded. i didnt know wad to say..

hope you smile or laugh, at least a little. things will be fine.

Bonding.

2008-06-28T02:25:00.002+08:00

you know the feeling after you popped flu tabs but you havent really had flu. that irritation you get in your nasal area. it feels like it.

ive been trying to bond with people. all sorts of people. kinda weird.
family, i cant spend too much time with the family. i feel the more time we spend, the relationship gets more dry. more friction, everyone starts getting a lil anal around each other. maybe its just me. i need alot of space.
just the other day, the paternal relatives visited the family. everyone have to be around. other den having to keep the house extraordinary tidy. there's also the never dying botox-ed smile and the yes im listening nods. and of cos the were one big happy family dish being served.

you know, you know. yesterday i inserted my ic into a GENERAL TICKETING MACHINE. cos im only allowed pens, and ic for verification in the exam hall. i emptied my pockets beforehand. so when i left the hall, i shove the ic into the pocket where i always place my ezlink card. and yeah. and considering i was up the whole night studying. forgive me. and comes the panic, the when i saw a pink card going into the slot.
okay, im feeling a bit too sober for a friday night. its okay, theres always saturdays. ill be there with a cig in hand and beer in another. ha

roomate.

2008-06-26T17:09:00.000+08:00

friday friday friday!

i had a really weird dream.

2008-06-24T15:14:00.002+08:00

den i realize how i cant open up to you.
not even in my dreams.

Possibility in all Probability.

2008-06-24T02:27:00.003+08:00

You miss the girl who would do anything to get high. and never doing what shes suppose
to do. Her okays, nasty comments and i dont know(s) when you ask her what she thinks.

She miss you too. of cos.
She miss you asking, what is wrong with you. Your outburst of laughters. And omg, your naggings? haha. miss you la, miss you.

It felt so wrong. It felt so right.

2008-06-22T23:37:00.001+08:00

Let's sleep till the sun burns out.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

2008-06-20T19:25:00.004+08:00

its not a term i grew up with. ive only come to learn of it in my secondary school years. vane's mum actually took the effort in explaining how the combination came about. i remembered there's something to do with lipstick. considering that i grew up with ninja turtles, digimon trading cards, and omg, smurfs? no care bears, no strawberry shortcake. fair share of kinder surprise(the eggshape chocolate with toys inside) and tangerine tic tacs.

How can Mary Poppins be left out?

im obsessed with Secret Diary of a Call Girl. beside the fact that it may be a little explicit. i love how the series goes and somehow the way the story is being told. While trying to finish watching Dead like me, drooling over Ellen Muth. aw, thicklips.
i have to admit, like any other human who love to watch drama. the absence of drama these days all around. even just a weela bit. yes, i do like drama. talk about lesbians and dramas. i think i got grace hooked on Gimme Sugar too. just one episode and we cant denial the fact that this certain Character is so fuckable. Bathilda.

Alright, my attempt to study this afternoon was. okay i guess. to think 3 months passed so first. its now another exam period. HA.
Beat! pls be good tonight. im so expecting to see many many familiar faces. and maybe..(:

Solemn.

2008-06-15T03:13:00.003+08:00

i cant take how the atmosphere of this house now. two other people is still up excluding myself. at 3 in the morning, the day that is the 10th anniversary of the mum's death. as according to the lunar calendar. im not exactly sure how the lunar calendar works, but somehow much different from the western calendar. Years seems to pass faster. and easier? -sound of constant folding in the background.

every year, i find the dad in my room sound asleep on one of the night. one certain night every year. ive not been dreaming of her lately. i prayed for her last night before going to bed. i prayed for granp too. theres always this unpleasant feeling upon hearing about death of certain someone.

currently, i feel as though am under influence. maybe numbed. the head is trying to process some issues. uncertain how the later of the day is going to be.
AND MY SPACE, INVADED!

i got reminded of how my old habbit was described awhile back. moving onto something more powerful as the resistance built up. den i thought, its just like life. the levels and different stages. we aim to move up, after reaching self set standards. we are constant moving. but sometimes we fall back or get stuck at where we are.

a little to your left. now tilt a bit right.
Tiring.

eating me up.
i was still under influence the day he passed on.

Joy Division.

2008-06-12T01:31:00.003+08:00

Running in the the rain. that clumsly chick.
leaving a trail of bus tickets down orchard. wolf whistles.
and im still shaking from the cheap thrill just now.
bloody wednesdays.

2008-06-12T01:25:00.001+08:00

Parking list.

2008-06-11T15:23:00.001+08:00

Marie Marie.

What's taking so long?
Dont study so hard(:

rather disturbing.

2008-06-10T06:37:00.003+08:00

this evening: code red.

awhile back.
the former attempted suicide three times in two weeks. claimed to have pumped the stomach twice.
okay, the story goes way back. way before i was even aware of the scene.
i would entertain, mostly when im under influence. and when the guilt starts eating me up(again). she's a sucker for mind games. but its funny how she likes to stick to sms. and solidly not giving up on my ignorance. i have a bad habbit, saying things that aint really right when under influence. which not only applicable in this case. maybe the phone should be kept away. so often, digging on the past. but i cant really rmb what happened(i did). that made the last 4 years, painful. and after so long, the main reason of why-still-bother attitude was out. i stopped in my track just staring at phone screen, look away and den to make sure im not seeing things. just so happen i was under influence on that certain night. and so was she. my head started to fill with what if(s).
after she stopped replying, i went over. on the way, i slipped and fell on one knee, ey its was fucking raining just some while ago that very day. i knew where she stays, but i dont know the damn unit. what if she OD. and the fucking reason being... how to live with that? my kamikaze of calls and smses failed to get a reply. after, which i cannot rmb how long, i headed home. i woke up the next afternoon with a extra heavy head.
it was a dream.. i thought to myself, but no.
the following day was intense, clear headed confrontation. over sms, of course. and the, i hate the world, im tired of living or any other kind of random smses, not even one, ever since.

i always think everyone go through this phase, when you get out of the ten years of education system, youll feel somewhat lost and you go throught this transformation period. some do well passing that phase, some maybe just take a much longer time to get through.
ill pray for you to go back to church, and do fine in time to come.

Dip.

2008-06-09T05:43:00.003+08:00

Spacing wednesday.
regretting thursday.
stuck on friday.

damn, i miss the old crowd. i rmb how you never liked this song.
you know, i was thinking how Lunar could be the next lesbian heaven. with their many many coyote dolls. LOL

i just have to.

2008-06-08T03:42:00.002+08:00

i just have to put this up. i stole it off vane.
doesnt Cherish look hot in a dress??

2008-06-07T16:54:00.002+08:00

its hard to admit that you were drunk. people just shouldnt take your words seriously.
and its another kind of feeling seeing the straight(supposedly) friend kissing the same sex. further more, someone important. well, its not necessary a bad thing.